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buried myself in fb games, ddo, and sleeping right

mildly annoyed is my status update. But only really quite annoyed at a very few things.

Have to move next week. Still debating as to where.

Why is also a great question, but ends up leading very quickly into staring into space/the wall/tv/customers and pondering the meaning of life, which is boring and depressing, and i am pretty sure i have the answer and i don't like it much, and i suspect i am not going to be alone in this.

Had a ball bounce my way, and a catch stick for a change, and i optimistically wonder if it's not time to stand dramatically on something high, and breathe the air, snuffing a scent and declare that "The Winds. There is a change coming." But then i end up painting myself a cliche and i stride around again, and talk even funnier for a while before i forget and start playing Hal again.

But it is always change. Constant evolving things everywhere. The lunch meat in the fridge, the five environments, everything. Tough keeping up, but then you can always take a day off here and there, the written word being the analog tivo.

It always comes back to an obsession with the future. No wonder we forget the past all the time. The romance of the future never seems to get old. The uncertainty is exciting. Sometimes people get confused, and get afraid instead of excited.

Nothing stops time, nothing can maintain the status quo. There will be more mexicans in the southern US, there will be an economic recovery, there will be a Superbowl played in Dallas this season, and everyone will continue to lie. Somebody with win the league premiership and someone will win the AFL, and they'll be duly recorded and most everyone who watches the game will barely remember it a year from now.

Must be difficult when you obsess about doing the right thing always, and realise that nothing you do matters, so what do you do? I guess you don't do anything.

Carve out a little piece of the world for yourself, a mountain stronghold, a remote log cabin, a beachside hut, surround yourself with people that you can stand, and raise up your own little tribe of likeminded thinkers? A cult or a family? Beginnings of a revolution, a religion, a stand off with the authorities.

Not a king must keep that in mind.

Not superhero either.

Must try to avoid being too fictional.

Also, shouldn't show my cards.

My poor snakeskin boots are getting too beaten up. I'm sad about that.

I had a lot of clothes. I don't know where they are any more. I also don't know where a lot of my things are. Apparently, i don't really need them.

Needs and Wants. Year Seven Commerce, with Mr Moody, good times. Possibly the most prepared of all our teachers to deal with the likes of my kind. The Woollahra kids. Intelligent kids encouraged towards free thinking, working outside of the norm, and hands-on problem solving. All sitting at the back, where they could slouch comfortably and talk during class, without interrupting the lesson. Except the two sitting, not at the front, but in the second row, paying attention because they were curious as to what might be going on. First day in his class, he called us out. And there we were.

I want an Ice chocolate from Oxford Street. I want a frozen blue margarita with a blue plastic mermaid, served by a waitress nicknamed "strawberries" because apparently that's what she tasted like, from Alexander's opposite the Town Hall. I want to walk by the wharves and the STC. I want to look over the park to the golf course. I want to chase a cricket ball into one of the drainage ditches at Centennial Park, and see the minnows dart away as my shadow crosses the sunny ditch, and i roll up my sleeve and mentally figure out what best trap to lay in the creek at drinks to catch some of them so i can find out what they are.

My wants look pretty simple, but i don't know that -

I WANT A MARATHON KEBAB

and a VB

ok those, yes that's exactly what i want, but i suspect that the other wants listed and others like them are not so simple. Or are they? I want to watch the sun set over the Seattle Harbour again. It's not specific to geography. It might be about people, but there was no-one but me that day in Seattle.

Hmm. I want a lot of things, but generally can't have them. Right now. Just yet. I might get them later, or i might work out that it was only a passing thing.

Needs. Alive. Check. Breathing air. Check. Need right now, and need tomorrow, and need "in indefinite future" is starting to get complicated. I think the only thing i need is the will and the way.

The willingness to do it, and a way to get it done.

There. I think i have solved my needs and wants issue.

Of course, this hasn't identified what it is exactly "big picture" that i want.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
geminibalance
Sep. 21st, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
I'll be back in Texas for October and November. Granted, I'll be near Houston and not DFW for most of it but, still...

You know, hmmm...

Have you ever considered life as a rennie? I find it quite suits me. Wanna try, fellow Gemini? :D I could get you a job, for sure.

Much love, babe.
Sleep well.
smokedamage
Sep. 21st, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)
Not for a second. But then i never thought i be a bartender in Dallas, either.

We'll talk
geminibalance
Sep. 21st, 2010 11:02 pm (UTC)
Care to come visit me at TRF or Scarborough?
smokedamage
Sep. 22nd, 2010 11:19 pm (UTC)
the possibilities are endless
drhoz
Sep. 22nd, 2010 01:28 pm (UTC)
fish are most likely Gambusias, sad to say

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosquitofish_in_Australia

Edited at 2010-09-22 01:30 pm (UTC)
smokedamage
Sep. 22nd, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
And the reports were done in 2004 - i so should have been in on this....

And gambusias would make great feeders...
drhoz
Sep. 23rd, 2010 11:52 am (UTC)
that's true. My crayfish loved 'em. climbed out of the water and grabbed them as they swam past.

My goldfish ate 'em too
40hex
Sep. 23rd, 2010 09:38 am (UTC)
Heya Smokey :)
Still the same old mystic I see...

I actually have an ulterior motive for commenting here... I was wanting to get in touch with Saltdog again but his blog appears to have disappeared or renamed or whatever. Do you know where he's at at the moment?

Life goes on here as it always does... we miss you! Come home soon!

S. :)
smokedamage
Sep. 23rd, 2010 09:51 am (UTC)
Re: Heya Smokey :)
i really don't make any sense at the best of times.

I think he's up north, boston or some shit. i will email you what i have on him - contact details

did i tell you i got to wave at him from the beach at lauderdale? i was about to jump in and swim out to him, and i would have probably needed rescuing...

I might. Miss you guys!

Love,

Smokey
(Anonymous)
Nov. 20th, 2010 04:44 pm (UTC)
I miss this Smokey. The advice to write on paper again must've been cathartic. -KV
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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