I have been inauthentic in considering you a bad friend. Looking back, there have been many instances where you have been the one who has stuck by me, and been there: I have either not noticed at the time or let it be buried under other grievances I have with you.
I envy you. You have the drive & energy that I once had. And lost. You get things done, the things that you want to do, I haven’t been willing to do the things I want to do for a long time: I have let my situation, other people & my perceptions of those dictate what happens in my life. I have unfairly resented that you are dictating your own life when I haven’t been. I unfairly resent you, thinking that you have dictated the part of my life you occupy, when in fact I have allowed you to dictate it, through not having the courage to do it myself.
At times I have thought of you as arrogant, self-serving, belligerent, difficult to be with and talk to, not-fun, inflexible, intolerant, scheming & manipulative.
You are not. I have allowed my perceptions of past instances to mould my perception of you.
In fact, you are simply ----- and nothing else, and I am proud to call you a friend.