And yeah, i needed this. I needed to feel uncared for, i needed to feel alone and isolated. i've been given too good a run here, too many people have been nice to me and it's made me lazy and complacent. I needed a little bit of darkness, a little bit of "fuck you, we don't care, it's all lies" to rattle my cage, a punch in the gut to get the bile rising like the sun, and to wake up the dog, the mongrel in me. I needed to get a feeling of being shafted, i needed to be shown i'm not all that important and i needed to feel the burn again. I needed a little bit of hate to get me good and angry again, because that gets me fired up and motivated. That gets me thinking and scheming, and that gets me going and brings out that competitve streak in me. The desire to "show 'em all", the desire to prove to me (at very least) that i earned the name ALPHA and that i have every right to bellow it from the rooftops to remind the world who i am.