Yet, somehow it's still the bird that might be in the bush later.

This will bug me for days, if not longer.

What is wrong with me? I mean it's obvious, but why? Why still? You would think I'd know better. I do, right?

Still, if the ship goes down, you cling to any wreckage that floats. It seems I'll happily let go waiting for that friendly dolphin to suddenly appear and save my life. I don't know if all that really works. Maybe it should be a specific and fictional dolphin. And wreckage more accurately represented by a blow up duck with a slow leak.

It's 1400, I've done not much today, and I'm making this much sense. Go me.

"Balanced like a dancer in her finest hour" thanks DC

I don't even feel like I can string a sentence together

day one

as usual, didn't want to go, anxiety or somethung....

got to airport way too early, which is way better than being late - done that before, removed a limb to book on next flght. Got to Prosperine or wherever i was, and got a shuttle bus to Airlie Beach. Checked in, did the things to get organised for the next day. Travel lady texted me to make sure i was ok, which was nice.

Went walkies for recon, so i know where the bottle shops, pubs, food options, and everything else is. Saw some garfish in the shallow canal, which was cool and i identified them for other passers-by.

Beach / resort town, obviously, and they've done a lot of things well, pushing the recycling angle, there's even buses, which surprised me somewhat.

Sunday night is apparently big party night, so i hit the in house bars, too early it seemed, as there wasn't a lot of people about for happy hour. Watched the other guests pass by and felt old... did not feel super social, had a few drinks at the more civilised bar, and thought about going to the party one. Couldn't bring myself to go, so found a hammock and started working on a couple of things.

Was eventually interrupted by a drunk hot girl who decided that a hammock was what she also needed at that stage of the night (2000h-ish). Had a chat to her and felt a little better about things but still not up for the big party bar. Went for another walk after she staggered off.

Met an Estonian dude, who has been here over a year, listened to his hilarious experience of Australia (he has met some good people along his journey and had a very good time). Returned to hostel, and back to hammock.

Sprinkles of rain everytime i get comfortable, out here. Music is loud, and it sounds like they are all having a good time, but i really cannot be bothered. At least i'm feeling a bit better for interacting with humans. Is hard being shy.

I have little fat lamb ginger beer.

I'm about to go on a holiday to get away from everything (everyone more likely, or at least specific people) I appear to actually be anxious about this.

I still remember last time I went away for more than a week. Still, I would hope there's far less chance of me "going native" in Queensland, right?

Got an expert to sort it all out for me, because I have no idea.

Sure, I'll be fine.

Being on leave from work has been tiring, but it's had a cracking start.

"Surreal." She called it.

Trip to bottle shop for supplies pre dnd.

Bottleshop.

Girl behind counter (sight accent): I like your hat. Those are bottle tops, aren't they?
Smokey: Why yes, Miss! It is a fine hat, and you should get yourself one.
G: I could never drink that much beer!
S: you don't have to drink them all at once. I tell you what, in two weeks I'll bring you some bottle caps, just make sure you find yourself a hat by then.
Proceed with commercial exchange.

Two weeks later...

Trip to bottleshop for supplies pre dnd.

Same bottleshop.

Smokey browses shelves. Bottleshop girl, that Smokey is not entirely sure is the same one, edges past shuffling wine bottles, half smiles, maybe, providing no clarity. Is MUCH smaller than Smokey remembers.

Approach unattended counter. Place six packs (2).

One for me, one as GM bribe (we are in a desperate spot).

Bottle Shop Girl sidles to counter. Commences ringing up beer.
Smokey returns from shelf: -and this.
Hands girl bottle of Jameson.
BSG's eyes pop, (slight accent): something something party tonight?
S: No, Miss. Just a regular ol' night of dnd.
BSG, smiles, working: I had two beers and a shot of tequila the other night and nearly fell over.
S: Well, there's two issues at play, size, and you are quite little; and form, are you in good drinking form, Miss?
BSG: Blames tequila.
S, holds up bag of not-enough bottlecaps also containing contact details and offer of further instruction: Did you get your hat yet?
BSG lights up, bounces, claps: omigod! Wow. Nobody's ever. Something something.
S: let me know if you need help with more bottle caps. Good night, Miss.

Exit.

Cricket presentation night. Couldn't even get 22 players there and we didn't even make it to midnight, and barely killed the bar tab - too old, and too young and soft... Sad times.

Flatmate ubered us home and passed out immediately. Also disgracefully soft.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

ī'm not quite right.

moving on.

(also as expected, a let down from isotripy)

They say that everyone's born a hero, but if you let it, life will push you over the line until you're the villian.

Problem is, you don't always know when you've crossed that line.

-Jessica Jones

this is all i'll ever have.

but you could have so much more...

i'd let someone else have it; this is enough for me.