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Aug. 22nd, 2018

There is no fate but what we make.

Smile and wave.

Love the good bits while you can.

Yes! Drunk. Exploring limits. Good to know.

Still awesome. Shhh.

Aug. 9th, 2018

To top off my day I have genuinely burnt my finger on a cooking pot.

Today can fuck right off. Am delighted to see the end of it. May I not have another one like this.

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Cocktail Bars make me miss bartending. Also doing stupid things.

Received a text this morning. Does that cancel the ghosting?

So confusing
Finished the night with an S Club 7 / b*witched boogie which is undoubtedly my jam. So I'm recovering well?

In other news, after discovering that Sara Bareilles "the blessed unrest" seems to have displaced Chris Isaak's "Mr Lucky" as my spirit album, I am going to attempt to live my next two weeks by the wisdom she's shared. I don't have a little black dress so it's not going to be easy....

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Mentally ill

Have not heard from MBG for days.

Either finally being ghosted, or something has happened to her.

Flirted with possible painkiller addiction, seems like fun.

Depressed, clearly. Possibly clinically so, although doctor i talked to suggested i am ok, given my existing and learned coping mechanisms. Wonder if I'd be better if i didn't have to use coping mechanisms.

Isotripy seems to have had an episode, also not talking to me.

Missed being depressed. Looking forward to the drinking and self destruction. As usual, will line up the self destruction and effectively evade.

Discontent.

A bird in the hand...

Yet, somehow it's still the bird that might be in the bush later.

This will bug me for days, if not longer.

What is wrong with me? I mean it's obvious, but why? Why still? You would think I'd know better. I do, right?

Still, if the ship goes down, you cling to any wreckage that floats. It seems I'll happily let go waiting for that friendly dolphin to suddenly appear and save my life. I don't know if all that really works. Maybe it should be a specific and fictional dolphin. And wreckage more accurately represented by a blow up duck with a slow leak.

It's 1400, I've done not much today, and I'm making this much sense. Go me.

"Balanced like a dancer in her finest hour" thanks DC
I don't even feel like I can string a sentence together

Apr. 22nd, 2018

day one

as usual, didn't want to go, anxiety or somethung....

got to airport way too early, which is way better than being late - done that before, removed a limb to book on next flght. Got to Prosperine or wherever i was, and got a shuttle bus to Airlie Beach. Checked in, did the things to get organised for the next day. Travel lady texted me to make sure i was ok, which was nice.

Went walkies for recon, so i know where the bottle shops, pubs, food options, and everything else is. Saw some garfish in the shallow canal, which was cool and i identified them for other passers-by.

Beach / resort town, obviously, and they've done a lot of things well, pushing the recycling angle, there's even buses, which surprised me somewhat.

Sunday night is apparently big party night, so i hit the in house bars, too early it seemed, as there wasn't a lot of people about for happy hour. Watched the other guests pass by and felt old... did not feel super social, had a few drinks at the more civilised bar, and thought about going to the party one. Couldn't bring myself to go, so found a hammock and started working on a couple of things.

Was eventually interrupted by a drunk hot girl who decided that a hammock was what she also needed at that stage of the night (2000h-ish). Had a chat to her and felt a little better about things but still not up for the big party bar. Went for another walk after she staggered off.

Met an Estonian dude, who has been here over a year, listened to his hilarious experience of Australia (he has met some good people along his journey and had a very good time). Returned to hostel, and back to hammock.

Sprinkles of rain everytime i get comfortable, out here. Music is loud, and it sounds like they are all having a good time, but i really cannot be bothered. At least i'm feeling a bit better for interacting with humans. Is hard being shy.

I have little fat lamb ginger beer.

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I'm about to go on a holiday to get away from everything (everyone more likely, or at least specific people) I appear to actually be anxious about this.

I still remember last time I went away for more than a week. Still, I would hope there's far less chance of me "going native" in Queensland, right?

Got an expert to sort it all out for me, because I have no idea.

Sure, I'll be fine.

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smokedamage
Smoke Damage

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